thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
