He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We talked him into tasing himself.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
