She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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