Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So squirting runs in the family.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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