My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
