your parents love me but you hate me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
