we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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