i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
is it fun? or sober?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
