Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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