We won't sleep together?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
