last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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