Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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