well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
