I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
