we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
