his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
