Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I forget how to act sober
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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