hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
