his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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