Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My vagina is officially offended.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
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