once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
