And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
