Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
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