Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
