U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think my moral compass just broke
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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