Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
