I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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