mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
