I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
