I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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