What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
then he tried to convert me to islam
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
