guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Blood and glitter go together right?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
