They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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