pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
