I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
