Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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