can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
