Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
