If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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