he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
