my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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