winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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