I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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