omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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