Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just cropdusted the office
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
