I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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