It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
