I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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