dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Four minutes until I can fart!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
