dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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