I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
