I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
MIDGETS
????
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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