apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
