I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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