Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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