I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
420 ftw
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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