Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She even gives head with a lisp.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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