Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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