My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
