When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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