I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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