i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
