just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
