R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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