Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
