You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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