Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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