I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
