If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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