her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
