I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
my liver is dry heaving
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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