i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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