ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
