it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
