i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
