it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
