Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
