he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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