It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
