I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
