There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
